Sunday, May 9, 2010

Die Ghana pakkie storie - Deel 8

Chester onderhandel vreeslik met die Fedex manne, maar dinge werk nie in Gambia so lekker nie. Die Gambia regering is baie streng oor die tipe van ding, en hulle laat nie vir Fedex toe om pakkies te “re-route” sonder dat die volledige naam en besonderhede van die ontvanger van die pakkie bewys kan word nie. Fedex vra vreeslik om verskoning, maar reëls is reëls.


Dear Kevin,

I have talked to Fedex, but there is a slight problem here. Firstly, they don’t like delivering to any place that was not on the original waybill. They already have the package in the offices at Serrekunda, Gambia. This is my fault, I have explained to them, but things are a bit muddy now.

The Gambia government is very strict and will not allow them to smuggle the package out of the country without proof of the indignity of the recipient, Emeka John Paul.

I need all the additional derisory information. I have given them the phone number 0249141364, but they say they need proof of identification from the person who will receive the package, and proof of address. This is needed to get the package delivered in Ghana. Without this information they will confiscate the package.

So, this is not really a big problem, all we need from you is the ID document, or passport, or drivers licence from Emeka John Paul, and all would be fine.

I am sorry for the obnoxious inconvenience. If you could send me that ID information I would be happy to send it on to them for redundant clearance. I am sure it is only a premeditated overbearing procedure and then all would be well.

My sincere commiseration about the ambiguous delay, hopefully this will be finalised soon.

Regards,
Chester

Here is the message from FedEx:

Dear Mr. Williams,

We apologise for the inconvenience caused in the delivery of your package to Ghana. We are, however, under pressure from the Gambia government not to release this package without having the following details from the recipient
in Ghana:

1. Full name:
2. Delivery Address:
3. Any official identity document
as proof of identity (passport, driver’s lizence or national ID document)

Again, we apologise for this inconvenience. We value your frequent business and assure you that your account with us is one of the most important relations we have with Lehman brothers. We will do anything we can to assist you in this matter.

In order for us to expedite this delivery, please provide information as required.

Yours sincerely,
Eugene Terreblanche
Fedex General Manager - Southern African region

Sien, ek praat sommer reguit van “smuggle the package”.

“proof of the indignity

Nog ‘n taallessie: die woord indignity is sinoniem vir “humiliation, shame, disgrace”, ensovoorts.

Sinonieme vir “derisory” is as volg: ridiculous, insulting, laughable

“I need all the additional derisory information”

commiseration about the ambiguous delay” :

“commiseration” is simpatie, as jou span verloor, as iemand doodgaan of so iets; amper soos “condolences”.

Ambiguous beteken “vague, unclear, uncertain”

“Obnoxious inconvenience” - bwahaha

Hy weet natuurlik nie wie Oom Eugene Terreblanche is nie. Die “Lehman brothers”-ding vang hy ook nog steeds nie.

Kelvin was egter hierdie keer regtig onbeskof, en het begin klink asof hy dalk iewers tog snuf in die dik neusgate kry:


Dear Chester Williams
I dont understand what they mean by i should provide the receivers ID to them ever before they can deliver the package to the receiver here that is lie and i can do that because is ilegal if they demand for such if they need any ID they should ask you to provide it because you are the person that made the mistake not the receiver

Since you made a mistake and tell them to correct it all they have to do is to correct it but if they say no tell them to retune it to you so that you will look for another company and send it as for me i can not ask the receiver to give me his ID so that i will send to them because that has not been done any where in this world

If they can not deliver it here in Accra Ghana to the address i send to you let them forget about it. Mean while i will like to know why you don't want to give me your phone number because i have to phone number from you now and each of them any one i called they will tell me is wrong number here is the two number you give to me and no one is your own +27 082 897 1018 another one is this +27 720 756701. what is going on please

Thanks
Mr. Kelvin


Net so gooi hy hom - nie een leesteken nie. Totaal onaanvaarbaar.

Ek is mal oor die “retune” ene - hoe retune mens ‘n ding? Ek tune jou lekka my bra.

Ek kom agter die perd raak agterdogtig. Daar is nou een van twee opsies:

Opsie 1 - hond met stert tussen die bene - speel met sy gevoelens.
Opsie 2 - slaan terug, slaan hard, en kyk of hy retireer

Ek weet nie lekker wat om oor die telefoon ding te doen nie, want die ou klink nou asof hy regtig gebel het! Ek het nie gedink hy sal nie. Ek wonder hoe daardie gesprekke afgegaan het? Wens ek kon dit opneem...

Chester, mos immers ‘n belangrike Lehman brothers vennoot, het egter hierdie keer besluit genoeg is genoeg. Dis tyd dat Chester sy stem dik maak hier:


Dear Kevin,

I am sorry, but I do not make the rules. I have given my commiserations and apologies, what more can I do? I would have thought you would be thankful for this very expensive phone you are receiving, but it seems you are being very selfish and a bit un-cooperative indeed, if I may say so.

The courier company already has all my ID details. But, as I explained incongruously before, the Gambian government has its own rules and cannot be bothered by what I have to say about it.

I have friends in many places all over the world, and I am trying to get some favours from some of them. Maybe I can get this stimulated in a positive way.

But in the meanwhile, I really need an ID document. It can be anyone, as long as it is a legitimate person with a real address in Ghana. They want that as proof of where this is going, because they are suspecting drug smugglers and are encouraging the courier companies to be meticulous in aiding these smugglers.

The other idea I was thinking about was, can we get the Global Courier Service Company to collect the package in Serrekunda, Gambia? They can surely do that for us, can’t they? Don’t you work with them?

I don’t know why you are not getting through to my phone number. This is puzzling me in a mirthful way. Have you dialled the correct codes? I do a lot of travelling internationally, and my calls get relayed to my secretary when I am not available. But she should be putting you in touch with me. It may be that she is not aware of who you are. I will let her know that if a call comes from Gambia she must put it through or take a message. Oh no, I made that mistake again – I mean Ghana of course.

You can also try this number; it is my satellite phone number: +61881631430772. If that does not work try ['n Vriend in SA se selfoonnommer]. If a guy answers, tell him you are looking for Chester Williams, the code word is ZULU. This guy is my personal assistant; he will know where to find me.

All my numbers get relayed to my secretary, which is the problem. I am extremely busy and am not always available for conversations. If they do not let you through, it may be because I am in a meeting, or I am out of the country for a business trip.

Please just leave a message if you cannot find me.

In the meanwhile, if you could get us that ID, I will be able to encourage the speediness of the transaction and delivery to Ghana will happen soon.

Thanks
Regards,
Chester

Woord verduideliking:

Incongruously - inappropriately, absurdly

Mirthful - joyful

Meticulous - thorough (deeglik)

“are encouraging the courier companies to be meticulous in aiding these smugglers.” Bwahaha

Hier vind ons ewe skielik ‘n nuwe wending - Chester is in charge, en Kevin begin te bedel. Ek het gedog ek sou hom nou al afskrik, maar helaas, hy byt nog vas soos ‘n bullterrier.

Dit was lekker om hom bietjie te corner oor Global Couriers - as hulle bestaan het, kon hulle mos die ding ge-courier het in die eerste plek?

Intussen waarsku ek my vriend in die Kaap dat daar dalkies ‘n internasionale oproep gaan kom.

Die ou gaan jou dalk bel - maak asof jy Chester
is en sê vir hom ons soek daai ID.

Maak asof jy in 'n meeting is en nie lank kan praat nie, en laat die lyn vrek as hy moeilike vrae vra

Thanks pel!!

Lees volgende keer verder oor Chester en Kelvin se avonture...

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